{"id":180102,"date":"2026-02-05T13:44:24","date_gmt":"2026-02-05T02:44:24","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/dmarge.com\/?p=180102"},"modified":"2026-02-05T13:44:24","modified_gmt":"2026-02-05T02:44:24","slug":"how-to-be-affectionate","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/dmarge.com\/style\/how-to-be-affectionate","title":{"rendered":"How To Be Affectionate When You&#8217;re Dead Inside"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>Had a tough week? Or are you simply a sociopath? Either way: sometimes life (or, you know, your partner) requires more affection than you have at hand.<\/p><p>Life comes at you fast and it ain\u2019t always pretty. Sometimes the struggle is painfully real. On a scale of one to dental work, you\u2019re at five fillings and a root canal, and it feels like you\u2019ll never get things back on track. The next sucker who spouts a clich\u00e9 about lemons is getting a sock in the jaw.<\/p><p>But there\u2019s a lifeline. Your relationship is holding you together while everything else is falling apart. You know it\u2019s essential to maintain if you want to break the chains of feeling like crap, but being a loving partner when you\u2019re dead inside is easier said than done.<\/p><p>Here\u2019s how to brace your relationship for impact until the wave of effedupedness finally rolls past.<\/p>                <div class=\"row row-center collapse\">\n                    <div class=\"column\">\n                        <div class=\"dmg-ad\"><div id=\"incontent-1014918457\" class=\"ad-container\"><script type=\"text\/javascript\">var load_1735674983 = function () {googletag.cmd.push(function () {var slot_1735674983 = googletag.defineSlot(\"\/1017963\/DMarge\/incontent\",[[300,250],[320,100],[320,180],[336,280],[640,360]],\"incontent-1014918457\").addService(googletag.pubads()).setTargeting('refresh', 'true');if (gamData && gamData.sizeMap && gamData.sizeMap.hasOwnProperty('incontent')) {slot_1735674983.defineSizeMapping(gamData.sizeMap['incontent']);}googletag.display(\"incontent-1014918457\");});};adsQueue.push(load_1735674983);<\/script><\/div><\/div>                    <\/div>\n                <\/div>\n                    <div class=\"content-subscribe\">\n        <div class=\"subscribe-box\">\n            <p class=\"subscribe-title\">Curated news for men, <br\/>delivered to your inbox.<\/p>\n            <form class=\"subscribe-form\" method=\"POST\">\n                <div class=\"subscribe-input\">\n                    <label class=\"screen-reader-text\" for=\"subscribe-email\">Email:<\/label>\n                    <input type=\"email\" name=\"email\" id=\"subscribe-email\" placeholder=\"Enter your email\" required class=\"form-control\" autocomplete=\"on\" \/>\n                    <button type=\"submit\" class=\"button button-primary subscribe-button\">Sign Up<\/button>\n                    <input type=\"hidden\" name=\"source\" value=\"article\" \/>\n                    <input type=\"hidden\" id=\"_wpnonce\" name=\"_wpnonce\" value=\"e2df992756\" \/><input type=\"hidden\" name=\"_wp_http_referer\" value=\"\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/180102\" \/>                <\/div>\n                <div class=\"form-result\"><\/div>\n            <\/form>\n            <p class=\"subscribe-copy\">Join the DMARGE newsletter \u2014 Be the first to receive the latest news and exclusive stories on style, travel, luxury, cars, and watches. Straight to your inbox.<\/p>\n        <\/div>\n    <\/div>\n    <h2><b>RSVP No To The Pity Party<\/b><\/h2><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"wp-image-180340 size-full\" src=\"https:\/\/dmarge.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/08\/kanye-sad.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"960\" height=\"580\" srcset=\"https:\/\/dmarge.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/08\/kanye-sad.jpg 960w, https:\/\/dmarge.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/08\/kanye-sad-920x556.jpg 920w, https:\/\/dmarge.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/08\/kanye-sad-400x242.jpg 400w, https:\/\/dmarge.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/08\/kanye-sad-768x464.jpg 768w, https:\/\/dmarge.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/08\/kanye-sad-640x387.jpg 640w, https:\/\/dmarge.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/08\/kanye-sad-255x154.jpg 255w, https:\/\/dmarge.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/08\/kanye-sad-180x109.jpg 180w, https:\/\/dmarge.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/08\/kanye-sad-480x290.jpg 480w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 480px) 400px, (max-width: 640px) 600px, (max-width: 768px) 700px, (min-width: 769px) 800px, 1000px\" \/><p>Words matter. Ditch phrases like \u201cJust my luck\u201d and \u201cI can\u2019t catch a break\u201d that paint\u00a0you as the victim. Sorry to burst your cosy bubble of narcissism, but life doesn\u2019t work like that. No cosmic force is out to get you, but the more you work to convince yourself it is, the harder pessimism will take hold. You don\u2019t want to be the guest of honour at the pity party, and your partner sure as hell doesn\u2019t want to be your plus-one.<\/p>                <div class=\"row row-center collapse\">\n                    <div class=\"column\">\n                        <div class=\"dmg-ad\"><div id=\"incontent-1662860993\" class=\"ad-container\"><script type=\"text\/javascript\">var load_447931678 = function () {googletag.cmd.push(function () {var slot_447931678 = googletag.defineSlot(\"\/1017963\/DMarge\/incontent\",[[250,250],[300,100],[300,250],[320,100],[336,280]],\"incontent-1662860993\").addService(googletag.pubads()).setTargeting('refresh', 'true');if (gamData && gamData.sizeMap && gamData.sizeMap.hasOwnProperty('incontent')) {slot_447931678.defineSizeMapping(gamData.sizeMap['incontent']);}googletag.display(\"incontent-1662860993\");});};adsQueue.push(load_447931678);<\/script><\/div><\/div>                    <\/div>\n                <\/div>\n                <h2><b>Don\u2019t Spread The Negativity Bug<\/b><\/h2><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"wp-image-180342 size-full\" src=\"https:\/\/dmarge.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/08\/ed-norton.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"960\" height=\"580\" srcset=\"https:\/\/dmarge.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/08\/ed-norton.jpg 960w, https:\/\/dmarge.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/08\/ed-norton-920x556.jpg 920w, https:\/\/dmarge.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/08\/ed-norton-400x242.jpg 400w, https:\/\/dmarge.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/08\/ed-norton-768x464.jpg 768w, https:\/\/dmarge.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/08\/ed-norton-640x387.jpg 640w, https:\/\/dmarge.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/08\/ed-norton-255x154.jpg 255w, https:\/\/dmarge.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/08\/ed-norton-180x109.jpg 180w, https:\/\/dmarge.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/08\/ed-norton-480x290.jpg 480w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 480px) 400px, (max-width: 640px) 600px, (max-width: 768px) 700px, (min-width: 769px) 800px, 1000px\" \/><p>The flu is contagious, but negativity is an insidious disease \u2013 and not only can it spread quickly through your own life, it\u2019s communicable.<\/p>                <div class=\"row row-center collapse\">\n                    <div class=\"column\">\n                        <div class=\"dmg-ad\"><div id=\"incontent-1709244968\" class=\"ad-container\"><script type=\"text\/javascript\">var load_190591253 = function () {googletag.cmd.push(function () {var slot_190591253 = googletag.defineSlot(\"\/1017963\/DMarge\/incontent\",[[250,250],[300,100],[300,250],[320,100],[336,280]],\"incontent-1709244968\").addService(googletag.pubads()).setTargeting('refresh', 'true');if (gamData && gamData.sizeMap && gamData.sizeMap.hasOwnProperty('incontent')) {slot_190591253.defineSizeMapping(gamData.sizeMap['incontent']);}googletag.display(\"incontent-1709244968\");});};adsQueue.push(load_190591253);<\/script><\/div><\/div>                    <\/div>\n                <\/div>\n                <p>First healthy conversation turns into venting, then those occasional rage sessions become a full-time focus on life\u2019s frustrations. There may come a time when you and your partner <i>only <\/i>connect over what makes you feel sad, mad, and hopeless.<\/p><p>Instead of using the strength of your relationship to build yourself up, you\u2019ve allowed negativity to bring your partner down.<\/p><h2><b>Practice Gratitude<\/b><\/h2><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"wp-image-180343 size-full\" src=\"https:\/\/dmarge.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/08\/ice-cube.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"960\" height=\"580\" srcset=\"https:\/\/dmarge.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/08\/ice-cube.jpg 960w, https:\/\/dmarge.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/08\/ice-cube-920x556.jpg 920w, https:\/\/dmarge.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/08\/ice-cube-400x242.jpg 400w, https:\/\/dmarge.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/08\/ice-cube-768x464.jpg 768w, https:\/\/dmarge.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/08\/ice-cube-640x387.jpg 640w, https:\/\/dmarge.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/08\/ice-cube-255x154.jpg 255w, https:\/\/dmarge.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/08\/ice-cube-180x109.jpg 180w, https:\/\/dmarge.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/08\/ice-cube-480x290.jpg 480w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 480px) 400px, (max-width: 640px) 600px, (max-width: 768px) 700px, (min-width: 769px) 800px, 1000px\" \/><p>Gently but firmly tell bitterness to piss off with a regular regimen of gratitude. When you\u2019re stressed and depressed, force yourself to stop and say thank you.<\/p><p>For the job that pays your bills, for the car that gets you there, for the partner who welcomes you home with a stiff drink in the evenings \u2013 anything. You\u2019re luckier than you think.<\/p>                <div class=\"row row-center collapse\">\n                    <div class=\"column\">\n                        <div class=\"dmg-ad\"><div id=\"incontent-93538278\" class=\"ad-container\"><script type=\"text\/javascript\">var load_1072571699 = function () {googletag.cmd.push(function () {var slot_1072571699 = googletag.defineSlot(\"\/1017963\/DMarge\/incontent\",[[250,250],[300,100],[300,250],[320,100],[336,280]],\"incontent-93538278\").addService(googletag.pubads()).setTargeting('refresh', 'true');if (gamData && gamData.sizeMap && gamData.sizeMap.hasOwnProperty('incontent')) {slot_1072571699.defineSizeMapping(gamData.sizeMap['incontent']);}googletag.display(\"incontent-93538278\");});};adsQueue.push(load_1072571699);<\/script><\/div><\/div>                    <\/div>\n                <\/div>\n                <p>Notice the times when you <i>don\u2019t <\/i>feel like everything is crashing down around you and live in those moments. Appreciate your life\u2019s achievements and your partner\u2019s acts of kindness, both big and small.<\/p><h2><b>Talk The Talk<\/b><\/h2><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"wp-image-180345 size-full\" src=\"https:\/\/dmarge.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/08\/Vinnie-Jones-lock-stock.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"960\" height=\"580\" srcset=\"https:\/\/dmarge.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/08\/Vinnie-Jones-lock-stock.jpg 960w, https:\/\/dmarge.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/08\/Vinnie-Jones-lock-stock-920x556.jpg 920w, https:\/\/dmarge.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/08\/Vinnie-Jones-lock-stock-400x242.jpg 400w, https:\/\/dmarge.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/08\/Vinnie-Jones-lock-stock-768x464.jpg 768w, https:\/\/dmarge.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/08\/Vinnie-Jones-lock-stock-640x387.jpg 640w, https:\/\/dmarge.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/08\/Vinnie-Jones-lock-stock-255x154.jpg 255w, https:\/\/dmarge.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/08\/Vinnie-Jones-lock-stock-180x109.jpg 180w, https:\/\/dmarge.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/08\/Vinnie-Jones-lock-stock-480x290.jpg 480w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 480px) 400px, (max-width: 640px) 600px, (max-width: 768px) 700px, (min-width: 769px) 800px, 1000px\" \/><p>It\u2019s trite-but-right advice time: talk it out. You must communicate with your partner about how you\u2019re feeling. To do so, you must first acknowledge what you\u2019re feeling to yourself. You\u2019re in an uncomfortable place and your natural reaction will be to postpone the experience of it for as long as possible \u2013 but by doing so, you give negativity even more time to take root.<\/p><p>Try not to panic or procrastinate. Once you\u2019ve had time to unpack some of the thoughts and fears gripping your mind, invite your partner into your world. Explain what you\u2019re going through, how it\u2019s likely to affect your life and your relationship, and how they can best support you through this time.<\/p><h2><b>Know When To Shut Up<\/b><\/h2><p>Depression, anxiety, or anger have a habit of making us act out. Our minds make assumptions and draw conclusions that are reflections of our own negative thoughts, not reflections of reality. Self-doubt or low self-esteem can make you question your relationship (\u201cThey doesn\u2019t really care about me. I\u2019m disappointing. I don\u2019t deserve them.\u201d).<\/p><p>You may set unrealistic expectations that your partner can\u2019t possibly meet (\u201cIf they really loved me, they would\u2026\u201d). You may be hypersensitive to criticism or too quick to criticise others (It\u2019s not a personal attack if they don\u2019t wash the dishes). When you interpret neutral things in a negative way, your partner is constantly walking on eggshells in fear of setting you off. Make yourself pause and evaluate your disparaging thoughts honestly before expressing them.<\/p><h2><b>Take Time For Self-Care<\/b><\/h2><p>The airline mask analogy is immensely relevant here: you must put on your mask before assisting others. Self-care is a trendy buzzword right now, but that\u2019s no reason to write it off. You are a better partner to your partner when you don\u2019t sacrifice your own needs. Top up your resources \u2013 both emotional and physical \u2013 with the things you know make you feel good. Eat well, exercise, read, meditate, get regular massages, etc. Know when to remove yourself if you need alone time or are in danger of lashing out unfairly at your partner. If these acts of self-care feel selfish, remember that what makes you stronger and happier as an individual will improve your relationship as well.<\/p><h2><b>Ask For Support (But Not Too Much)<\/b><\/h2><p>Your partner wants \u2013 <i>actively wants<\/i> \u2013 to help you through times of crisis, but they are not a mind reader. It\u2019s up to you to reach out when you know you need it, and to share how you can best be supported. What makes you feel calmer? Happier? More balanced? Loved? Tell your partner. Accept their assistance. But, and this is an important but, don\u2019t make them responsible for your well-being. They cannot fix your problems for you. They should not be your sole source of support. Put your own oxygen mask on first, rely on a network of friends rather than just one person, and seek professional assistance if needed.<\/p>                <div class=\"row row-center collapse\">\n                    <div class=\"column\">\n                        <div class=\"dmg-ad\"><div id=\"incontent-854559963\" class=\"ad-container\"><script type=\"text\/javascript\">var load_1351680852 = function () {googletag.cmd.push(function () {var slot_1351680852 = googletag.defineSlot(\"\/1017963\/DMarge\/incontent\",[[250,250],[300,100],[300,250],[320,100],[336,280]],\"incontent-854559963\").addService(googletag.pubads()).setTargeting('refresh', 'true');if (gamData && gamData.sizeMap && gamData.sizeMap.hasOwnProperty('incontent')) {slot_1351680852.defineSizeMapping(gamData.sizeMap['incontent']);}googletag.display(\"incontent-854559963\");});};adsQueue.push(load_1351680852);<\/script><\/div><\/div>                    <\/div>\n                <\/div>\n                <h2><b>Offer Space &amp; Empathy<\/b><\/h2><p>A relationship is a two-way street, even when your streets have been ravaged by an existential hurricane. It\u2019s essential that you remain considerate of your partner and their experience. Be patient with them as they learn to navigate the new circumstances. Try to view things through your loved one\u2019s eyes and have empathy \u2013 you are not the only one feeling confused and hurt by the situation. When they need space, allow them to take it. Understand that they may need boundaries in order to be the strongest support for you. And speaking of support\u2026 be sure to give, not just receive. Your partner\u2019s worries don\u2019t disappear just because yours are magnified.<\/p><h2><b>Seek Out Successes<\/b><\/h2><p>One of the best ways to derail negative thoughts and turn disappointment on its head is to prove them wrong. Do something \u2013 anything \u2013 that confirms negativity doesn\u2019t have control over your life. Complete a task you\u2019ve be putting off. Cross something off your bucket list. Take stock of your positive qualities. Look for evidence of moments you were successful or overcame adversity. Build your self-esteem so you are not reliant on your partner\u2019s validation. The more you can take action in positive directions, the more empowered you\u2019ll feel to get your life back on track.<\/p><h2><b>Remember To Reconnect<\/b><\/h2><p>Spend time with your partner that has nothing to do with the sh*t state of your life. Connect over something positive. Find something fun to do together, even if it\u2019s just a weekly Netflix date. It\u2019s not about how much energy or effort the activity requires \u2013 it\u2019s about getting out of your head, living in the moment, taking time for play, and renergising your relationship. Memories of the good days will get you through the bad ones.<\/p>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>When the going gets tough, the tough do this.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":8,"featured_media":246161,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"image","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_stopmodifiedupdate":false,"_modified_date":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[397],"tags":[],"coauthors":[146228],"class_list":{"0":"post-180102","1":"post","2":"type-post","3":"status-publish","4":"format-image","5":"has-post-thumbnail","7":"category-style","8":"post_format-post-format-image"},"acf":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/dmarge.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/180102","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/dmarge.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/dmarge.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dmarge.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/8"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dmarge.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=180102"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/dmarge.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/180102\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":536836,"href":"https:\/\/dmarge.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/180102\/revisions\/536836"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dmarge.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/246161"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/dmarge.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=180102"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dmarge.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=180102"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dmarge.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=180102"},{"taxonomy":"author","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dmarge.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/coauthors?post=180102"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}